It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
