Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
