Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
