I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I want her autograph on my taint
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
