I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
YAS. BRING CRAB.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
