I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
