Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
