Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
