sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
