just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
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