My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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