You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
