Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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