Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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