New low: just hacked my moms facebook
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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