omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
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