i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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