Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
