This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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