Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He passed out mid-signature
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
