I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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