I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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