Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
