i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
