How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
