he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
