apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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