Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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