Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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