oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
