Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
