i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
