friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
