I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
