The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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