Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
