She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
