woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
