her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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