Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
