Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I need a beard to bite.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
