I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
