life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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