Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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