Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
