hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
