hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
