I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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