How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
that's an acceptable place to lick
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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