So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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