There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
