I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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