look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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