Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
