let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
i think we sleep fucked last night...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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