I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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