I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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