omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize