You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I got inside last night via doggy door
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
