I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
