piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
