nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
