her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
