i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
