Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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