I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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