I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
