I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
